South Beach Is The New Jersey Shore

February 9, 2010 / Posted by:

Just when Miami finished cleaning the skank slime from their streets left by the Kardashians, they are about to get a new infestation! Movieline is saying that MTV has chosen to terrorize Miami for the second season of Jersey Shore (which will probably get the extremely creative title of: Jersey Shore in South Beach). A source says that MTV has rented a house off of Lincoln Road and is currently installing a Valtrex dispenser in each bathroom. Shooting will begin in May.

The last time I was in Miami, I was shopping for hair dye at Walgreens (don’t ask) when some drunk ass tramp in a neon yellow whore dress stumbled up to me and asked if I had seen some Brazilian girl in leather pants. When I started to shake my head “no,” the bitch accidentally stepped on my foot. Instead of throwing me an apology, she said, “Why did you do that?” The ho’s bref smelled like Parliaments, ground beef and sour apple schnapps. Basically, I’m saying that the Jersey whores will fit right in.

But the citizens of Miami should still walk around like this come May:

You can never be too safe.

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