Vadge Has Found Her Next Victim

Baby Jesus may or may not be waking everybody up in Vadge’s house by crying for a bottle in the dead of night. Some say Baby Jesus is back in his manger. And others say Madonna and child are still going strong. The Daily Mail is going with the former, and is saying that Vadge’s cooch is already spinning a web around a new prey. According to some hos, Vadge is circling around 24-year-old Spanish model Jon Kortajarena and can’t wait to suck the life out of him (through his peen hole). It’s a good thing Vadge’s snatch knows how to queef “I’ll get you my pretty” in Spanish.

Vadge first laid her beady eyes on Jon at the New York premiere party for A Single Man. In the movie, Jon plays a hustler Colin Firth’s character meets outside of a liquor store. Dude made my nipples coo when he lit up Colin’s fag. I guess he made Vadge’s nipples coo (sounds like a duck dying) too, because she wants to make him hers! A source says that at the party Vadge flirted with Jon hardcore, “Jon looked slightly uncomfortable with the attention but was, nonetheless, flattered. She has made some enquiries about him and has found out a bit more about some of his future modeling gigs in a bid to use her influence to his advantage. She is going to invite him to some social events in New York.”

Jon shouldn’t fight it. I’m sure Vadge has already redecorated the nursery for him and ordered a dozen custom-made “Property of Vadge” onesies in his size. Jon should just lay his nuts on a silver platter and deliver them to Vadge. What Witchy Poo wants, Witchy Poo gets.

And I can’t say I blame Vadge. Jon’s brows really are a thing of beauty. They look like the perfectly conditioned landing strip of a second tier stripper. I bet they smell like Victoria’s Secret body spray, old man sweat and Jergens.

Here’s a few modeling pictures of Baby Jesus’ replacement: