Tiger Is Leaving The Building

February 4, 2010 / Posted by:

Business has been slow for the gold digging cocktail waitresses out there, but it might start to pick up now that Tiger Woods‘ cage door is about be opened. So put Gloria Allred on your speed dial and practice shooting an Ambien pill out of your twat!

A source tells Radar that Tiger’s wife Elin Nordegren is in Hattiesburg, Mississippi to collect his ass from sex rehab where he’s been for the past few weeks. Elin must have met with her financial advisers and decided that the best decision for her wallet is to stay with Tiger, because she has canceled plans for a divorce. Instead Elin and Tiger are going to go away for a while to work on their marriage.

Le source explained, “Tiger and Elin want to be alone out of public when he leaves the clinic. He should be out by the weekend. They are giving their marriage another try.”

So not only will cocktail waitresses everywhere be popping the Andre this afternoon, but so will Orlando night clubs, the pharmaceutical companies, and the cell phone industry. However, fire hydrants won’t be smiling this weekend.

And today’s Tiger Woods headline that pays is brought to you by UsWeekly:

HO STOP! Balls on your face is ok, but your face on balls is not? If it wasn’t for a pair of golf balls slapping your chin, you wouldn’t be on UsWeekly or anywhere else. And don’t even get me started about the balls attacking your chest. Don’t dis balls!

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