Reese’s Pieces

February 4, 2010 / Posted by:

Since the most action Reese Witherspoon ever got from Jakey Poo was a pedicure while watching a Sex and the City re-run on TBS, she has dove head first into the dating pool. And apparently, Reese doesn’t care if the pool is chlorine-free and filled with dying gnats, because Star says she has quenched her thirst for penis by knocking it with the manwhore of Hollywood Gerard Butler. Gerry can officially change his life tagline to: THE BUTLER DID EVERYTHING!

A source tells Star that Reese and Gerry first met to discuss working together on some movie. It didn’t take long for them to go from flipping script pages to flipping each other in Gerry’s bed. The source went on to say that Reese isn’t calling her lawyers to draw up a beard contract, because she only sees Gerry as a fuck-time partner and nothing more. “Reese doesn’t want to hurt Jake’s feelings and doesn’t want him to know about her and Gerard. She’s not interested in taking it a step further with Gerard — and that’s how she wants to keep it,” says the source.

Well, whether Reese likes it or not, Gerry will always have a special place in her vagina, because he will be known as the first man who gave her crabs. When Gerry sticks the tip in, a bottle of RID falls on your head.

And Gerry isn’t Reese’s only piece of the moment. People claims that Reese and a talent agent who goes by the name Jim Toth got a little closer at dinner last Thursday. Some nosy bitch said, “They were having a lot of fun, totally getting along and laughing and talking the whole dinner. Reese seemed very happy. She was smiling all dinner. The mood was upbeat and really good.” One of Jim’s friends added that it was just a date and nothing serious.

I bet Reese is the one who leaned over at dinner and said to Jim, “I’m only looking for hard dick so don’t get too attached.” America’s SweetTART. I never figured Reese for the type. And I don’t know if I still do. But I’ll choose to believe for entertainment purposes only.

And after being with Jakey for a million plus years, it’s not a bad thing that Reese is adding a few more miles to her crotchdometer.

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