BOO: There’s No Cheating In The New Monopoly

To celebrate the 75th anniversary of Monopoly, Hasbro has decided to give the game an extreme makeover by changing the shape of its board from a square to a donut. They also got rid of the sherbert-colored money, and replaced it with some kind of stupid electronic debut card. And instead of collecting $200 when you pass go, you now collect $2 million.

Hasbro said that the original concept design of Monopoly was round, so it’s not something they randomly came up with as a way to get collectors to buy a new version. They came up with the electronic pin card idea, because they wanted to stop people from embezzling money from the bank. Boo. Ooo.

Thank you, Hasbro, but no fucking thanks. I’ll stick with my beat up Monopoly game with the beer-stained money and Barbie Peekabo game pieces (I lost the iron and top hat). I’m all for Monopoly being in the shape of a pill, but I won’t play a game that doesn’t allow you to cheat. The only way I can ever win a 22-hour long game of Monopoly is if I Bernie Madoff the bank and my fellow players when nobody is looking.

When playing Monopoly with me, either wear a diaper or bring a bottle to piss in (like – NSFW – this boy), because I will loot the bank if you go to the bathroom.

Methinks Hasbro is going to realize their mistake and try to fix it by coming up with a way for you to commit credit card fraud or hack into the bank.