Introducing Mr. And Mrs. Roxanne

February 2, 2010 / Posted by:

Everybody, gently place the words “fuck off” on the tip of your tongue, because it will launch out of your mouth as soon as you read the next sentence. Get it ready. Katie Price married her cross-dressing, cage-fighter boyfriend Alex Reid in Las Vegas this afternoon. AND RELEASE!

The Princess Diana and Prince Charles of this generation kicked the dead horse that is marriage at a chapel at the Wynn Resort. Katie’s publicist and a handful of TV cameras witnessed the blessed event. Katie’s spokesbitch immediately issued this statement after the ten-second wedding.

Katie and Alex are delighted to announce they got married in a private, simple ceremony. Their decision to marry has not been made with any media deal in place. It is purely down to their love for each other.

HA! I love how her publicist has to point out that this is not a publicity stunt in anyway shape or form. Uh huh. I’m sure Katie wore a dress made out of Balloon Boy’s runaway balloon, and Alex wore a tuxedo made out of Tila Tequila’s fixed pregnancy tests. They toasted to their new union with flutes filled with OctoMom’s amniotic fluid. The twinkle in Katie’s eye was actually a shiny, gold dollar sign.

You’ll see it for yourself when these two fermented blood oranges are on the cover of OK! Magazine next week. But the cover won’t be the same without Harvey Price on it, flipping us the bird. Sigh. Katie kept us from seeing Harvey in a white tuxedo. THAT (selfish) BITCH!

Here they are shopping for rings before their wedding. The look on the woman’s face in the first thumbnail says it all. I too puckered tighter than Roxanne’s tuck when I first read this mess.

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