I’ve never ever felt the urge to flick my nipples while thinking about Michael Buble, but his ex-girlfriend is making a strong case for him.
Tiffany Bromley, an ex-model turned wigmaker (that’s what I want to be in my next life), tells the News of the World that Michael Buble only cares about three things: sex, cannabis and cake. CORRECTION, Tiffany. 99% of the world only cares about three things: sex, cannabis and cake. Those are the three magic words you must repeat when trying to get into the back room in heaven.
Tiffany says that not only does Michael’s fantasy include smoking a joint while fucking a triple layer cake with extra frosting, but he also loves to vomit up curse words any chance he gets. And Michael brags about his perfect penis all the time. Tiffany ended with, “It was part of Michael’s routine to smoke late at night. Then he always got hungry. He’d raid the hotel mini-bar and eat three or four Snickers bars in one go – plus pistachios, peanuts, sweets and liquorice. He had an enormous appetite. He was quite immature too and threw schoolboy tantrums at people if he didn’t get his own way. We had several rows where he’d blow up over nothing then he crawl back like a weak, whimpering child, saying something like, ‘Sorry, I’m an asshole.’ “
So Michael is a cocky stoner who is addicted to fucky times and gets erect whenever he sees Little Debbie’s face? Basically, Michael Buble is a John Mayer for the Hostess Twinkie set. SIGN ME UP!