Shut down your computers and pack your things, because nothing can outdo this. UsWeekly won the fight. CNN, HuffPo, TMZ, People, Radar and the rest can all take the day off and try again tomorrow. This is all the news we need to know today. Put your RSS feeds to bed.
If Billy Goat Brad shaved off his beard, left St. Angie and ran off to marry Jennifer Aniston in a ceremony officiated by Tiger Woods, it still wouldn’t make a bigger story than this. Done and done.