The Sienna Miller Of Vegans

Page Six is accusing the all-knowing, all-perfect Natalie Portman of taking a sledgehammer to a ballet dancer’s happy home and snatching him away to hump pesticide-free turnips with her in the garden. Or whatever the hell she’s into.

A source is saying that Natalie’s vag has been pirouetting on Benjamin Millepied’s peen since the fall. Natalie and 32-year-old Benjamin met on the set of The Black Swan. Benjamin, who is a member of New York City Ballet, is one of the movie’s choreographers.

According to this source (aka a juicy steak), Benjamin was living with his girlfriend while he was dating Natalie. The source added, “They’ve been dating since the fall, although she told friends that she hasn’t gone public with it because she was waiting to see if things got serious. But the real reason she was quiet about things is that Ben had a live-in girlfriend of three years when they met. She was a ballerina at the American Ballet Theater. She had been talking about marrying him and was blindsided by the split. She moved out right after New Year’s Eve.”

I’m giving Natalie too much credit. There’s no way her vagina can charm a snake out of its pot by humming “There’s a place in France.” Only my homewrecky hero Sienna Miller can do that. Natalie didn’t wreck any home. Benjamin’s life was probably too exciting, so he decided to bore it down a bit by hanging out with that limp rutabaga.