Lindsay Lohan has accepted Richard Lugner’s invitation to be his date to the Vienna Opera Ball in Austria next month. The 77-year-old socialite (I’m talking about Richard) selects a delicate flower of Hollywood to be his date to the ball every year. Richard’s past escorts reads like a who’s who of the CDC: Pamela Anderson, Nicollette Sheridan, Carmen Electra and Wonky McValtrex.
Richard Lugner chose LiLo this year, because IN THIS ECONOMY, she’s all he could afford. LiLo also better keep a flask of the sweet nectar in her clutch, because Richard said that there will be mineral water instead of champagne in their box.
After LiLo tells everyone at the opera that it was so good she almost pissed her pants, they will go back to Richard’s hotel room and feast on mineral water and strawberries. Then LiLo will excuse herself to use the bathroom. When she starts to take too long, Richard will barge in on her and find her doing something suspicious. Richard will accuse her of fucking the white bitch with her nostrils, but LiLo will start screaming about how she was just flossing the strawberry seeds out of her teeth! Wait, is that how the movie went?