SuBo Goes Crazy At The Airport

Susan Boyle’s debut album has sold approximately ten trillion copies (Pebbles the cat is her tabulator), so she should be on the top of the world. But some source tells The Sun that SuBo is actually on top of Mars instead. Apparently, SuBo brought her crazy cat lady act to the VIP lounge at Heathrow, and it made everyone around her clench their ass lips out of uncomfortableness. Fun fact: Listening to SuBo’s album without freebasing vodka first will also cause you to clench your ass lips. I learned this the hard way. I had to show them this picture so they could exhale.

The source went on to explain that while SuBo was waiting to board a flight to Chicago, she suddenly grabbed a cleaning product out of a janitor’s cart and used it as a fake microphone. After SuBo started singing into her make-shift mic, an airport employee asked her to put the crazy on mute. That’s when SuBo started running through the terminal screaming, “I’ve escaped, I’ve escaped!” Basically, SuBo was re-enacting the first time all of us dropped acid.

The employee finally got SuBo to simmer down by sitting with her. The source added, “It was chaos. Susan was very restless and agitated from the minute she walked in and immediately started making a scene. She was singing and dancing around, shouting obscenities at full volume.”

Because of her past public meltdowns, SuBo’s team is giving her mental state the side-eye.

So SuBo released the bats in the airport. That doesn’t mean her loved ones should hug her with a straitjacket just yet. Airports make people go crazy. That’s what they are supposed to do. We all have allergic reactions to airports. I mean, nothing pounds on your nerves like the smell of burnt coffee, the sound of screaming brats and the sight of the one vacant seat in the waiting area being used as a luggage holder. SuBo was just PROJECTING.