It’s been raining chins and ginges for the past week, and it’s not going to let up. Every time I blink my eyes, another late-night rumor fucks me in the eye. So I’ve been stock piling my colon with Conan and Leno bits to serve to you at one sitting (just wipe them off with one of El Pollo Loco wet naps you keep in your desk drawer for this very occasion).
First up is Jimmy Kimmel giving it to Jay Leno without lube last night (clip above). During Jay Leno’s 10@10 segment on his show, Jimmy bent Jay over, held on to his chin and rammed him over and over again. Jimmy didn’t even spit on his hand and rub first. For those of you on Team Coco (not to be confused with Team CoCo), this was so beautiful that your eye ducts actually filled with authentic tears for the first time in history. Kind of like the time I cried while reading a hate e-mail that said I was a “dumb fucking faggot bitch whore who sucks homeless dick for butt dildo money.” It was touchingly beautiful, but then it got me wondering. Would would I need to buy a butt dildo if I had a homeless dick at my disposal? And why would I think a homeless dude had any money? Oh, now I see. That’s where the “dumb” part comes in. I’ve seen the light. Moving on…
TMZ says that Jay has officially taken candy out of a ginge baby’s hand and will host The Tonight Show again since Conan has pretty much quit. But another source tells THR that this is lies, and Jay’s chin has not signed on the dotted line just yet.
The Daily Beast claims that the peacock has put a wad of cash in Conan’s garter belt and now he’s free to shake his shit at a different network. According to a source, NBC is buying Conan out and also allowing him to take his act to a different network before his contract expires.
And finally, if you’re in the market for a barely used late-night talk show, this is the Craigslist ad for you.
There you go. We’re all bloated and full now, so I’ll race you to the toilet.