The two of you out there who gave yourself a meth enema to stay awake while watching El Cantante in its entirety (I’m raising my guilty hand with you, Skeletor), know that a frozen burrito would’ve done a better job playing JLo’s role of Puchi. Hell, Poochie the dog would’ve done a better job. But according to the master thespian herself, she thinks she should have an Oscar sitting right next to her Razzie Award on the shelf above her toilet.
JLo, who had to speak through her vagina because her head was so far up her ass, told Latina Magazine, “I feel like I had that [Oscar worthy role] in El Cantante, but I don’t even think the academy members saw it. I feel like it’s their responsibility to do that, to see everything that’s out there, everything that could be great. Well, it is a little bit frustrating. It was funny; when the Oscars were on, I had just given birth on the 22nd, and the Oscars, I think, were a day or two later. I was sitting there with my twins—I couldn’t have been happier—but I was like, ‘How dope would it have been if I would’ve won the Oscar and been here in my hospital bed accepting the award?’ ‘Thank you so much! I just want to thank the academy!’ But we joked about it. It’s all good. Things will happen when they’re supposed to happen. I have the utmost faith and no doubt that it will one day, when and if it’s supposed to. You can’t get all crazy twisted over it.”
It would’ve been dope alright. Every academy member would have had to be higher than Spaghetti Cat in a Barilla factory to even consider nominating JLo for that mess. You can’t even watch ten seconds of that shit without swallowing a dope lab.
Oh, JLo, I hope you never ever peek out of your bubble of delusion to take a good whiff of reality. It’s more entertaining this way.