Pootie, How Could You?!!!!?

Well, this is ironic. Usually when you read the words “thief” and “Lindsay Lohan” in one sentence, LiLo’s the one being accused of doing the snatching. But oh how the coke tables have turned! UsWeekly reports that someone stole LiLo’s sketches for her 6126 clothing line and she’s pointing her favorite snorting finger at her former purse holder/hair icon Patrick “Pootie” Aufdenkamp. Pootie is also the sound my b-holes makes whenever I see pictures of the both of them together.

One of LiLo’s friends said that Pootie (gesundheit!) is launching his own fashion line in NYC next month and is planning to use her designs. Everything Pooti knows he learned from watching Bold and the Beautiful.

The friend added, “It’s horrible. He was her best friend. He has always used her, and she’s been warned to never trust him. Lindsay is a good friend and likes to see the good in people. She didn’t want to believe how bad Patrick’s energy was, and how false his friendship has always been with her.”

LiLo confirmed to UsWeekly that she’s parted ways with Pooti, “I should’ve known better. But new year for me and a new beginning! Health, happiness, success and love!”

There must be a reasonable explanation for this. Maybe LiLo left her sketches on the coffee table next to a mound of Lohan powder, and Pooti didn’t have a crisp dollar bill on him. So naturally, he rolled up one of her sketches and went at it. I mean, would a glittermeister named Pooti really steal LiLo’s crack scratches (SPOILER ALERT: YES)?

Here’s LiLo and the Curious Case of Ali Lohan crying about something or another on a yacht in St. Barts yesterday. Maybe they have the sads, because Pooti isn’t in their lives anymore. Or maybe their St. Barts dealer is out of the bad shit? Probably the latter.