Gerard Butler can remove Warren Beatty’s head shot from his “wall of idols,” because Warren is shaking his head “no” to a claim that he once ate vagina for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and all his snacks. A new book out this week called “Star: How Warren Beatty Seduced America” claims that 72-year-old Warren got sexy with around 12,775 women.
The book’s author, Peter Biskind, used his fourth grade education to come up with that number. He wrote, “Using simple arithmetic, Warren slept 12,775 women, give or take, a figure that does not include daytime quickies, drive-bys, casual gropings, stolen kisses and so on.”
Wait. DRIVE-BY-FUCKING?! Warren might be pimp of the millennium if he’s able to fornicate with a ho while he’s in his car and she’s sitting on her porch knitting mittens.
Warren’s lawyer immediately issued a statement to HuffPo denouncing this shit as just a bunch of lies. According to him, the odometer on Warren’s dick does not read 12, 775. Warren’s lawyer said, “Mr. Biskind’s tedious and boring book on Mr. Beatty was not authorized by Mr. Beatty and should not be published as an authorized biography. “It contains many false assertions and purportedly quotes Mr. Beatty as saying things he never said. Other media should not repeat things from the book on the assumption that they are true or that the book is an authorized biography.”
For shits and tingles, let’s pretend this is true and Warren’s number really is 12,775. Let’s also say that Warren turned his v-card in when he was 15. And we’ll assume that Warren retired his fuck game in 1992 when he married Annette Bening. Based on that, Warren allegedly went through 319.3 vaginas a year for 40 years. And if Warren didn’t hang up his penis in 1992, his number drops to 224.1 a year. Basically, Warren probably slept with your mom. That might explain why she has to “excuse herself to use the bathroom” every time Heaven Can Wait comes on TV.