Carmen Sandiego got the holidays off, because everybody was too busy trying to track down Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren. Tiger was spotted everywhere from Miami to Africa to NYC to the middle of the ocean. If they wanted to find Tiger so badly, they should’ve just dropped a bag of Ambien along with a cocktail waitress on any random corner. Tiger’s GPS system (aka his peen) would’ve led him to that corner in ten seconds flat.
Anyway, wherever Tiger was, Elin wasn’t! Elin spent her holidays skiing in the French Alps with her twin sister Josefin and friends(pictures of her ass below).
According to the News of the World (via NYDN), Elin told her friends that she will soon be skiing on a mountain of cash, because she plans to collect almost $300 million from Tiger when she divorces him. When Elin’s friends asked what Tiger got her for Christmas, Elin didn’t say “genital warts” (which is probably what she really got), but she did say, “Three hundred million dollars, thank you very much.”
The source went on to say, “She’s 100% determined to split with Tiger. When she boasted of the ‘$300 million Christmas gift’ and then laughed, it was clear to everyone around her that she’s more focused than ever about moving on with her life.”
YES! If this is true, then I’m glad to hear that Elin is finally pushing up her sleeves, grabbing the biggest shovel in the shed and dig dig digging for gold. Actually, she should throw the shovel at Tiger and force him to dig since he’s the one that got them into this mess. Seriously, for every load Tiger dropped in one of his mistresses’ vaginas, he should drop a giant load of cash into Elin’s checking account.