The other day, a message went up on Van Morrison’s website announcing the birth of his fourth baby friend with some chick named Gigi Lee. We all patted Van’s sperm on the back for still ticking after 64 years. Well, we need to take our pats back, because he doesn’t have a fourth child after all. Van says that some evil hacker posted the bogus message on his website. Van’s sperm fishes are still spending their days watching their stories on their Tempur-Pedic bed. They aren’t even trying to tap a bitch’s ovaries. Not today.
Van’s rep issued this statement to Irish Times: “For the avoidance of all doubt and in the interests of clarity, I am very happily married to Michelle Morrison with whom I have two wonderful children.” The rep added that Van has never heard of a Gigi Lee and the entire story belongs in Barnes & Nobles’ fiction section.
On the fake message left on Van’s website, the faker wrote that Little Van was the “spitting image” of his father. Since Little Van doesn’t exist, you don’t have to carry a cross around anymore for fear that you’ll run into the second coming of Benjamin Button.