Charlie Sheen Is Out Of The Clink

December 26, 2009 / Posted by:

Charlie Sheen gave Denise Richards the greatest Christmas gift of her life by getting arrested yesterday after allegedly pushing and choking out his wife Brooke Mueller. Charlie’s jail cell door was opened last night and he was released back into the wild on $8,500 bond. Yesterday, the story seemed pretty cut and dry, but there’s more to this shit. The plot thins!

TMZ reports that Brooke was boozed up like a vodka turkey when she called 911. When the police arrived at the scene at around 8:30am on Christmas day, they tested Brooke and Charlie’s booze levels. Brooke got a .13 (Wino just high-fived her) and Charlie registered a .04. DRUNK ON CHRISTMAS MORNING: Stars are just like us!

Apparently, right before Charlie’s bail hearing Brooke confessed to some lady cop that she had a case of The Hoffs when she called 911 and that Charlie never got violent with her. Charlie told the cops that Brooke was the one who tried to whoop his trick ass and he was just defending himself. The cops will still investigate the case and Charlie will have to face a judge on February 8th.

Radar says that Brooke only changed her story after Charlie’s people pressured her to and even put the words in her mouth. A source said that Brooke recanted her story to the cops, because she plans to file for divorce any day now and thinks she’ll get more cash in the settlement if she works with Charlie’s people. A different source told TMZ that Brooke is no longer cooperating with the cops and doesn’t want them to file any charges against Charlie.

The Chief Deputy D.A. told TMZ that he plans to file several charges against Charlie on February 8th. He also added that he often files charges against bitches who cry wolf (He’s looking at you, Brooke).

It makes sense that Brooke’s alcohol level was a .14, because you too would be permanently attached to an economy-sized bottle of gin if you were married to Charlie Sheen.

And don’t worry, Brooke and Charlie’s twin babies were safe during all of this. While their parents were fighting, they crawled to the nearest bar and ordered two shots of Bailey’s and leche. Do you blame them?

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