Yesterday afternoon, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins broke hearts everywhere by announcing that they ended their 23-year relationship this past summer. I figured that they simply ran out of things to talk about and their genitals coughed up a “meh” whenever seeing the other one naked. But some are saying that 63-year-old Susan traded 51-year-old Tim in for a 31-year-old piece named Jonathan Brinklin. Jonathan is the son of the founder of Subaru America and a partner in Spin, a ping-pong club in NYC that Susan is an investor in.
You know, whenever I read about ping-pong, my gutter brain immediately flashes to the scene from Priscilla, Queen of the Desert where that hot bitch Cynthia launches a ping pong ball out of her poon. Please tell me that’s how Susan and her boy toy play ping pong on Sunday nights. Maybe Susan can schedule a couples match with Vadge and Baby Jesus?
Anyway, some source tells Gawker that Susan has made Jonathan her full-time ping pong poon partner. But Susan’s rep shot this rumor down by saying, “The rumors are absolutely untrue. Susan’s relationship with Jonathan Bricklin is strictly a business one.”
Maybe Susan’s spokesbitch is telling the truth. Because after watching this interview with the long-lost Jonas Brother, I’m not sure if he plays ping pong on Susan’s team. Jonathan’s peek-a-boo lisp made my ass twitch.