You Can’t Take Wino Anywhere

December 21, 2009 / Posted by:

Picture this: You’re sitting in a crowded theater quietly sipping a thermos filled with whiskey while trying to enjoy international legend Mickey Rooney in a panto production of Cinderella when you suddenly you hear some crazy crackie shouting all kinds of curse words at the actors on stage. You turn around and watch as Amy Wino tries to castrate the house manager by kicking him in the dick. Okay, since I put it that way, I should really change my headline to read: You Should Take Wino EVERYWHERE! Seriously, Wino still knows how to put on a show.

The Sun reports that during a production of Cinderella, Wino made parents stick their fingers in their kids’ ears after she shouted stuff at the actors like: “Fuck Cinders, Prince Charming, marry me!

When the house manager tried to get her to leave, Wino pulled his hair, punched at him and kicked him in the crotch. This is Wino’s way of saying, “No, thank you.

It didn’t stop there. After the performance, Wino, who was there to see one of her friends in the show, met up with the actors backstage. While meeting Anthea Turner, the woman playing the Fairy Godmother, Wino bled on her after a cut she had on her arm opened up.

Anthea was last seen running through the streets of Camden early this morning screaming about ice pops and Blaaaake. Unfortunately, Anthea is a Winozombie now.

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