How Is Jennifer Aniston Not In Either One Of These?

December 19, 2009 / Posted by:

There’s a 99% chance that you will be dragged to at least one of these movies by a human with a vagina or a gay who just wants to see Alex O’Loughlin’s nipples (or Taylor Lautner’s arms) in motion. So you might as well watch these two trailers in case you fall asleep while watching either of these movies (which you will after downing 1 smuggled-in bottle of straight vodka). That way you can tell your movie mate afterwards that you really got the tingles when BLANK kissed BLANK while BLANK song was playing.

Above is the trailer for Valentine’s Day, which stars everyone with at least 3 IMDB credit to their name (sans Aniston and JLol). It’s basically like a losing scratch ticket version of Love Actually but without the British accents and gayer (fingers pointing at B. Coop and Queef Latifah).

Below is the trailer for JLo’s The Back-Up Plan, which is not to be confused with Aniston’s The Baster. It’s going to be like every other rom com barf party. They will instantly fall in love and then their second date will be at the abortion clinic. NO! They will instantly fall in love and break up right before she gives birth. Then he will decide he can’t live without her and bust into the delivery room right after the baby pops out of her vag. He will take the baby in his arms and the baby will say, “I’m just a baby……laying in front of a boy……asking him to burp it.” Or something like that.

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