These Contract Negotiations Are Driving Me Crazy

One minute, Jakey G and Reese Witherspoon are no longer business partners. The next minute, their reps fart on those rumors. AND NOW, there’s reports that Jakey and Reese didn’t sign on the dotted line and decided to eat the contracts instead. They are over.

E!’s Marc Malkin claims that Jakey did get a shave and haircut two weeks ago as it was reported, but their reps blew glitter on our eyes because the two needed to talk it out.

Apparently, they got together over Cosmos and pedis and decided to end things. Some source explained, “There are no other people involved. The relationship just ended. It just fizzled. But they also wanted to be careful and private about it because of Reese’s kids.”

Over at Popeater, another source echoes the rumor from a few weeks ago that Reese just wasn’t ready to make Jakey a beautiful Spring manbride, “There is no doubt that they love each other very much, but Reese wasn’t ready to say ‘I do.’ And if she wasn’t ready after two years of dating, Jake wondered if she ever would be.”

And that’s that. Now if their reps will just confirm this shit, we can all move on with our lives. This feels like the time I watched my mother spend three hours negotiating $250 off the price of a used Nissan. Exhausting. Somebody hand me a Fruit Cocktail Slushie.