Kellan Lutz Is The New Crotch Of Calvin Klein Chonies

Fox411 is saying that Kellan Lutz, the other piece in Twatlight who isn’t Taylor Lautner or RPattz, has just signed a deal to star in an underwear campaign for Calvin Klein. And not just any campaign. Sources say the hos at Calvin Klein want Kellan to remake Marky Mark’s iconic campaign from the 90s that made genitals everywhere go weak. I still have the paper cut scars on my ass.

A source says that Calvin Klein hopes Kellan will become the #1 piece to fap to just like Marky Mark was in 1992. The source added, “The executives have a plan to model the ads very similarly after the famous Mark Wahlberg campaign in the 90’s. They want to recreate the look of the hugely successful ads, and who is better than Kellan Lutz to fill out those little underwear?”

Marky Mark’s panty ad for Calvin Klein was an important part of my life as a blooming gay. That shit was serious. I was a tween (Yes, I’m older than Kim Zolciak’s first wig aka OLD) when this shit came out, but I remember it like yesterday. As soon as I saw Marky’s ad in Rolling Stone, my b-hole opened up for business and started taking applications. Marky is partly to blame.

So, Kellan really has big panties to fill.