Two Boring Pretty People Are Probably Engaged

Don’t ever tell Miranda Kerr’s brother a secret (i.e. that you floss your teeth with your toenail clippings), because ho can’t keep one. Apparently, he’s been telling everyone with ears that his sissy is going to marry Orlando Bloom. This is another reason why we all lie to our family members.

Miranda and Orlando have been dating for around three years. They recently denied marriage rumors, but Miranda’s brother farted off to OK! Magazine, “He’s finally done it. Orlando has proposed. They’re getting married.” And you just got dis-invited. No open bar for you.

You know, Orlando Bloom is so purdy that he could be a Victoria’s Secret Angel himself, so I’m not sure who would make a lovelier bride. My nipples are humming just picturing Legolas with a white lace veil on his head and a bouquet in his delicate hands. Doesn’t that sound as precious as a My Little Pony Sno-Cone maker?

UPDATE: Orlando Bloom’s rep says this rumor is made of lies. Miranda’s brother must have been drinking again.