Ask A Prostitution Whore

Have you ever wanted to know how long a polite lady waits before wiping the cum off her body after a bukkake orgy? Or if you should say “excuse me” after your snatch sneezes during sex? Well, today is your lucky day! Because Ashley Dupre, the pussy peddler who brought down Eliot Spitzer, got her own advice column on The New York Post. Somewhere in the world, Rachel Uchitel is pitching a wedding show to Oxygen.

Here’s a sample of Dear Crabby’s work:

My girlfriend says she doesn’t like porn. Is she lying? — David K, 36, TriBeCa

Some women don’t like porn and some love it. I’m not big into it myself. But I must say, I was buying the Liberator [sex aid] and I was watching the demonstration video for all the different positions and I was thinking about my boyfriend at the time, and it got me super turned on . . . just thinking about him and us, and exploring all the different positions on this thing.

Try sending her an e-mail of a soft-porn clip and say “I can’t wait to do this to you tonight.” And see what she says.

And David K (no relation to yours truly) should really listen to Ashley since she’s wearing glasses and all. That makes her smart. Actually, I think she always wear glasses nowadays, because she’s sick of having to go to her optometrist to get the cum crust vacuumed out of her eyes. SEE! That Ashley is full of good ideas.