Over in Norway, Tommy Girl and his fellow Scientologists are on all fours with their b-holes pointed towards the sky because they are trying to summon back the alien portal which appeared early this morning.
Thousands of Norwegians called into the Meteorological Institute after some kind of blue laser light beam party filled the sky at around 8:30. Scientists are giving a “fuck if we know” response, and Russia’s military denied they were testing missiles at the time.
One Norwegian scientist told the media, “I agree with everyone in the science community that this light was the weirdest thing. I have never seen anything like this ever. It may have been anything from an exploding missile whose launch went wrong – to a comet or other celestial object that for some reason has been behaving strangely. The spiral suggests the object came off course and balance and entered the spiral movement. Leaking rocket fuel could account for the blue light. But I know that the military have denied this explanation. So we could be looking at an entirely new natural phenomenon.”
Has anyone questioned the ravers? Maybe they finally got bored with their puny glow stick light shows and needed something to really make them coo while they roll. Either that or The Heene family has taken their acts of fakery to Norway.