A Match Made In Crazy Lesbian Heaven

December 9, 2009 / Posted by:

In a live streaming video, which must have been directed by The Maysles Brothers, Tila Tequila announced that she is engaged to Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson. This is the same Casey Johnson who was arrested for smearing her labia leche all over another lezzie’s vibrator and stealing a bunch of her joo-ree.

Casey must have been stealing shit for cheap thrills, because Tila claims she’s a bajazillionaire. And I just consulted with my 5-year-old cousin who let me know that a “bajazillionaire” is, like, way richer than a bazillionaire. This makes sense, because only a bajazillionaire could afford a 17-carat diamond engagement ring. Although, that ring does look suspiciously like the one my Peaches & Cream Barbie used to wear. And Barbie and Tila do have the same ring size…. Hmmmm…

Tila also added, “Anyway, we are going to make love tonight for our honeymoon.” Okay, nobody tell Tila that the honeymoon happens after the wedding, because I really hate seeing elves cry. Speaking of tears…

I have a feeling this is going to end in a lot of them. Or it’s going to end with Tila setting Casey’s hair on fire.

And is it just me, or does Casey Johnson sound like Tori Amos with a handful of anal beads in her mouth? It’s kind of driving me crazy.

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