There’s a rumor going around that Loki’s heartmate forever Mickey Rourke is about to make his 24-year-old Russian girlfriend Elena Kuletskaya his third wife. Since Mickey knows that his face can melt off at any minute, he’s hoping to get married as soon as this April in Russia. Yes, Russia. Mickey is just looking for an excuse to have a wedding cake infused with 100 proof vodka. Does O’Casey’s Pub in Manhattan also moonlight as a bakery? Anyway….
Page Six says that Mickey and Elena met on the set of Iron Man 2, where she was helping him learn Russian for his role as Whiplash. It was love at first salad tossing, and they have been inseparable ever since.
Mickey was married to Debra Feur in 1981 for 8 years. In 1992, he married his Wild Orchid co-star Carre Otis. Two years later, Mickey was arrested for Ike Turner-ing her, but they didn’t divorce until 1998.
Mickey deserves forever love just like the Beast from Beauty and the Beast does. However, whenever a tiff with Elena makes Mickey’s face boil like a pot of hot turkey chili, he just needs to sit on his hands so he doesn’t have an encore of the Carre Otis shit.
And I approve of Mickey’s choice, because Russian girls are my favorite. They know what is in important in life: diamonds, gold and cheap reproductions of baroque paintings. I can say that, because I’m half Russian. Okay, I’m not half Russian, but I’m pretty sure my body is 50% vodka. That counts!