The vaginas just keep falling out of Tiger Woods‘ chonies. So far, the count is at 9. I failed algebra twice, so if it gets into the double digits, I’m out of this game.
We already know about Rachel Uchitel, Jaimee Grubbs, Jamie Jungers and Kalika Moquin. Over the weekend, five more hos claimed they too were part of Tiger Wood’s graduating class of whores. Let’s meet them, shall we?
Mistress #5: Some 25-year-old cocktail waitress from Orlando, FL. Mistress #5 says that she got it on with Tiger from 2004 to 2006. They met while she was serving cocktails at Roxy Nightclub in Orlando. Mistress #5 hasn’t sold her story yet, but she does have a lawyer. She also told TMZ that Tiger told her his marriage to Elin was faker than Beyonce’s hairline.
Mistress #6: Holly Sampson, a porn star who was in an episode of The Wonder Years once. Holly is an old-school whore, because she refuses to suck and tell. However, The Sun claims that Holly and Tiger went international with their affair by fucking all over the world.
Mistress #7: Cori Rist, a 31-year-old Hooters waitress. Cori’s friends told her tale to the NYDN. They say Cori met Tiger at Butter and their affair lasted six months. Just like the other whores, Tiger regularly put Cori up in the same hotel as him.
This is my favorite quote from the NYDN article: “He would get the presidential suite. It was the ultimate in luxury.” That Tiger really knows how to pamper his pussy!
Mistress #8: Some British presenter.
Mistress #9: 34-year-old Mindy Lawton, a former waitress at Perkins! Mindy is definitely my favorite mistress whore from Tiger’s harem! FINALLY, Tiger is showing that he has good taste in hos. I mean, just look at her picture to see what I’m talking about:
The weather outside is frightful, but Mindy is so fucking delightful! Not only did Mindy meet Tiger while she was a waitress at Perkins (THE ELEGANCE!), but she also used to fuck on him in the parking lot. That is how it’s done! Tell all the other skanks to retire to the Bunny Ranch, because we have finally found a glamorous successor to Jessica Hahn!
Somebody get Mindy a record contract and a spread in Penthouse. She’s going to be a star!