George Michael Loves To Cruise For Cock In The Woods, And He Doesn’t Care What You Think About It!

December 6, 2009 / Posted by:

In the beginning of an interview George Michael did with The Guardian, the interviewer writes about how these German girls waited for hours outside of his house to get his autograph. Well, the German girls should’ve disguised themselves as hairy leather daddies and hung out at Hampstead Heath. It only would’ve taken a few minutes for George Michael to show up to autograph their faces with the ink from his peen. That’s because George just loves huntin’ for park dick at Hampstead Heath when the weather is warm enough to keep his butt cheeks toasty.

George, who has an open relationship with his partner Kenny Goss, said, “The handful of times a year it’s bloody warm enough, I’ll do it. I’ll do it on a nice summer even–ing. Quite often there are campfires up there. It’s a much nicer place to get some quick and honest sex than standing in a bar, E’d off your tits shouting at somebody and hoping they want the same thing as you do in bed. DyaknowhatImean?

Oh, I know what you mean, Georgie. You’re a naturist. You just love the musty aroma of pine needles mixed in with ass sweat and foreskin fromage. It’s potpourri for George Michael’s hole.

Speaking of greenery, George Michael said that despite the claims that he’s licking on crack rocks every chance he gets, his only current poison of choice is weed.

He said that he used to gobble up 25 joints a day, but he’s down to 7 or 8 now. Okay, George should probably check his dealer’s references, because if he needs 8 joints to keep him riding high on a green cloud, then he might be smoking catnip.

Finally, George had a message for Elton John. Elton has been telling the press that he’s afraid for George’s well-being. George’s response is, “Elton lives on that. He will not be happy until I bang on his door in the middle of the night saying, ‘Please, please, help me, Elton. Take me to rehab.’ It’s not going to happen. Elton just needs to shut his mouth and get on with his own life. Look, if people choose to believe that I’m sitting here in my ivory tower, Howard Hughesing myself with long fingernails and loads of drugs, then I can’t do anything about that, can I?

People want to see me as tragic with all the casual sex and drug-taking… those things are not what most people aspire to, and I think it removes people’s envy to see your weaknesses. I don’t even see them as weaknesses any more. It’s just who I am.”

HA! So basically, George is a forest fucking stoner who just wants everyone to get off his dick so he can smoke his joints and search for ass in peace. I can go along with that as long as George stays away from steering wheels.

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