Ambien Sex?

December 4, 2009 / Posted by:

So, Radar is saying that Rachel Uchitel told friends that Tiger Woods was hooked on having “Ambien Sex” with her. Apparently, Rachel said, “You know you have crazier sex on Ambien – you get into that Ambien haze. We have crazy Ambien sex.

I feel like an innocent virgin again, because I have never heard of this shit before. My parts have been fucking with wrong bitches, I guess.

After doing some research (aka a ten second Google search and an IM conversation with one of my sluttier friends), I learned that when you’re fucking in an Ambien haze, you will do some kinky shit that you wouldn’t normally do when sober. When you wake up the next morning with a severed monkey paw in your anus and a butt plug in your mouth, you won’t remember what you did the night before. Cut to Gerard Butler saying, “Welcome to my world.

The last time I took Ambien, the sexiest thing I did was hug my pillow really tight and slobber all over it. I need to ask my doctor for “that kind” of Ambien (wink wink).

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