Tiger Woods Doesn’t Want To Talk

November 30, 2009 / Posted by:

Cops from the Florida Highway Patrol knocked on Tiger Woods’ door several times this weekend to interview him about murdering a fire hydrant and other things. Tiger’s lawyer shut the door in the faces of the officers like they were Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Apparently, Tiger is keeping his lips sealed. But Tiger did manage to release this statement on his website. Just picture Elin Nordegren standing over his ass with a golf club in her hand and a “BITCH DON’T” look in her eye while he wrote this. It’ll make more sense that way.

As you all know, I had a single-car accident earlier this week, and sustained some injuries. I have some cuts, bruising and right now I’m pretty sore.

This situation is my fault, and it’s obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I’m human and I’m not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn’t happen again.

This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible.

The only person responsible for the accident is me. My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false.

This incident has been stressful and very difficult for Elin, our family and me. I appreciate all the concern and well wishes that we have received. But, I would also ask for some understanding that my family and I deserve some privacy no matter how intrusive some people can be.

The statement still wasn’t enough for the FHP to drop the subject. TMZ says they are working on getting a search warrant, so that they can peek into Tiger’s medical files to see if the scratches on his face came from the accident or Elin’s CLAW OF REVENGE. If they find out that his injuries came from the hand of Elin, she could be arrested for domestic abuse.

Meanwhile, Tiger’s rumored mistress whore Rachel Uchitel immediately rushed to Los Angeles this weekend to meet with lawyer to the famewhores Gloria Allred. Rachel has already publicly denied the affair, but that isn’t stopping her from milking this cow until it is completely dry. And even then, she will continue to pull on its utters until its organs fall out. Or until she gets her own reality show. Either or.

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