Baby Jesus speaks! No, he really does. The New York Times got to hear him speak actual words for a fluffy profile piece they did on him which ran this past weekend. Cut them some shit, it was Thanksgiving weekend.
In the way-too-long article, we learn that Vadge doesn’t give her Brazilian boy toy a crisp $5 bill every morning before he goes to school. Baby Jesus doesn’t need it, because apparently he’s some superstar DJ who makes $15,000 for a 90-minute set. We’re all banging the wrong bitch.
And Baby Jesus also schooled us stupid Americans on the correct way to say his name. It’s not pronounced “Gee-zus” or “Hay-soos.” Jesus Luz says his full name is pronounced “Zhay-ZOOSE. Loose.” But even Vadge doesn’t care about that. Shit, I doubt she knows his name. Whenever she needs him, she just rings the supper bell and opens up her legs. No names needed!