If you are in CA, you might have been wondering why that glass of straight-up vodka (I know how you do it) on your table vibrated Jurassic Park-style for a few seconds. Well, it wasn’t from a gigantic T-Rex running through your front yard. It was JLo’s big ass hitting the stage at the American Music Awards tonight. Yes, bitch went BOOM! JLo’s Louboutins threw her off!
During her performance of that “Looweebatons” song, Skeletor’s bone polisher busted her ass when she jumped off one of her dancer’s back. JLo managed to pick her ass back up, but you know bitches will lose their jobs, health insurance, 401ks, loved ones and worldly possessions over this shit! That stage will be removed from the theater by tomorrow, those sneakers are already a pile of ashes and her dancer will only be able to get a job as a bus boy at Chili’s. Everyone will pay for this!
And thanks to the boxing theme, the chorus of shirtless dudes and the massive amounts of sparkle, JLo’s performance is the gayest of the night….so far (Glamberace is waiting in the wings). My no-no thanks her.
P.S. – For those of you who don’t want to torture yourself by watching the whole thing, JLo’s ass hitting the stage is at the 2:40 mark.