What In The Animal Style Hell Is The Meaning Of This?

November 12, 2009 / Posted by:

“In terms of the quality and consistency of the product, I would compare us to an In-N-Out. We hope to have the same type of following.” – The owner of Fresh-N-Fast, a new burger joint that opens in Manhattan later this month.

Somebody fuck me in the eye with a Double Double, because all I’m seeing here is a shanty clone of the beloved In-N-Out (aka the West Coast heaven). You cannot recreate perfection. It’s like pulling a bottom tier stripper out of the beer room of a titty club off the highway and declaring her new the new Empress of Lucite just because you stuffed her feet into a pair of exquisite lucite heels. Okay, bad example.

The owner of Fresh-N-Fast (I can’t with that name) even said they are putting together a “special sauce.” Don’t be surprised if they name it “mammal style.

The saddest part is that you know I’m going to “accidentally” stumble into this place one lonely night. I will shuffle up to the counter and say, “Don’t tell me your real name. DON’T. Just tell me your name is In-N-Out. Lie to me. It’ll make this easier.” Then I’ll throw my money down on the counter and devour that fraud in waxed paper while pretending it’s the real thing. When I get home that night, I’ll run to the shower and cry cry cry while the hot water tries to cleanse me of my cheating ways. Desperate times…..

Source: Grub Street

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