Miss Tits4Jesus herself, Carrie Prejean, ventured into Larry King’s crypt last night to talk about her book and to tell him how inappropriate he is. Yes, Carrie thought Larry was very inappropriate for asking her simple questions about her settlement agreement with Miss California and that little solo fuck tape she made a couple of years ago. Carrie was not amused and attempted to storm off, but failed miserably at it.
There’s many reasons why Carrie needs a gay in her life, but her STORM OFF FAIL really got to me. If she had a main gay by her side, he would have taught her how to storm off properly thanks to Dynasty and other prime-time soap operas. Carrie just needed to look into the camera and calmly say, “LARRY KING (dramatic pause) I will destroy YOUR (dramatic pause) LIFE.” Then she should have flipped her, whipped off her mic in one easy swoop, gracefully slid out of her chair, hiked up her titties, thrown one last shank eye into the camera and then strutted off like there’s a hard 9-inch peen waiting for her in the wings. END SCENE.
You don’t fumble with your mic and awkwardly sit there with a smile like a polite 4-year-old waiting for a juice box. Embarrassing! DO IT BIG, or don’t do it all. How dreadful.
And Larry King’s snappy satin suspenders gave me FEVER. Maybe that’s the real reason why Carrie tried to bounce out of there. She just couldn’t handle the heat radiating off of Larry’s sexy suspenders.