Sammy Sosa Is Not Trying To Be Michael Jackson

November 8, 2009 / Posted by:

One of Sammy Sosa’s friends has come out to defend him after a picture of him looking like he’s on step 3 of “Michael Jackson’s Guide to Beautystarted making people talking. Rebecca Polihronis, a former Cubs employee who talks to Sosa all the time, told the Chicago Sun-Times that he’s in the process of going through a laser treatment to his skin after spending years playing in the sun.

Rebecca said, “He’s not trying to be Michael Jackson. He is going through a rejuvenation process for his skin. Women have it all of the time. He was surprised he came out looking so white. I thought it was a body double. Part of (the photo appearance) is just the lighting. He is in the middle of doing a cleansing process to his skin. The picture is deceiving. He said, ‘If you saw me in person, you would be surprised. When you see me in person, it is not going to seem like the picture.’ People who saw him in person did not react the same way. He can’t believe it is such a big deal. He has always been concerned with the way he looks. Probably just bad timing going to an awards show.”

REJUVENATION PROCESS?! Unless Sosa was born a baked potato, this “rejuvenation process” is not working. Get a refund. Seriously, I just want to throw a stick of butter and a tub of sour cream on him (hold the chives).

And what does Sammy have to say about those swap meet-bought lemur contacts in his eyes? Let me guess? Eyeball rejuvenation? Bitch should get brain rejuvenation while he’s at it.

I shouldn’t say that. If Sammy is okay with little children running for the nearest church after seeing him, then good for him.

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