People is saying that Rachel “Chupacabra” Zoe’s right hand bitch Taylor Jacobsen was pink-slipped this morning for reasons unknown.
Taylor had this to say on her Twitter page: “Today is an end of an era and a beginning of a new professional chapter. Looking forward to what the future brings…!!!”
Chupa issued this statement: “I lit-ter-ally DIED. Like I’m lit-ter-ally like dead buh-nanas. Like lit-ter-ally I’m dead. Like my heart lit-ter-ally shut it down. It’s buh-nanas.”
Oh, I’m going to miss that mega bitch Taylor. First of all, nobody can unpack a box like she can (that’s a good quality in a person). Second of all, Taylor was the only real bitch around those parts. She rolled threw “fuck that shit” looks at just the right moments and always said exactly what was dancing on my tongue. For example, when Brad was queefing sequins about dressing Anne Hathaway on stage at the Oscars, Taylor said that she’d rather die than do that shit. EXACTLY. Taylor is way too good to be wasting her acts of bitchery on Chupa.