Michael Lohan Is Just Trying To Help

November 4, 2009 / Posted by:

Michael Lohan, the current reigning Father of the New Millennium (sorry, Joe Jackson), recently promised that he was going to release a bunch of taped phone conversations he had with his daughter. Well, Michael has come through and released a series of tapes to Radar. According to Michael, he did so because he wants the world to know that his daughter’s life is not all rainbows and she desperately needs help. And because he needs a check to continue to buy fancy thread from Michael’s to make friendship bracelets like the one above.

In the 3-minute long tape, LiLo cries uncontrollably to her father about how no one cares about her and White Oprah doesn’t stand by her. At one point she says, “No one cares about me. They don’t, by the way. It’s about how they feel, not how I feel. It’s not about me. It’s never been about me, unless I fight for it.

If you picture me saying these things after an 8-hour Mother’s Circus Animal Cookie binge, it might make the tape less depressing. But not really.

Michael also has plans to roll out more tapes in the near future. And I’m sure he’ll release remixes of each tape too. Michael is truly the Time Life of deadbeat dads.

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