How To Massage Your Dog

November 3, 2009 / Posted by:

Remember the lady who taught us how to give our pussies a rub down? She has returned and this time she’s brought a dog friend names Henry Wrinkler (!!!) with her. Yes, she’s teaching us how to massage our dogs.

While watching this I started to take notes so that I can give my own dog a massage later on, but then I thought to myself, “Why in anal gland hell should I massage that ho?!” I mean, I already put food in his bowl every day. I even have to heat it up a little bit, because he likes it warm. AND I pick up his shit out in public while he secretly laughs at me. AND I’m even extra quiet in the morning while he’s sleeping so I won’t wake his lazy ass. AND now this lady is asking me to massage him?!

Where is the video that teaches dogs how to massage humans? I could use a massage. Better yet, if my dog learned how to massage people he could get licensed and then go out get himself a job. That way he could contribute to this household. Barking, burrowing and ass sniffing doesn’t pay the bills (Ryan Gaycrest doesn’t count).

And after all that ranting, you know I’ll be massaging my dog’s head tonight while singing him rhymey songs. A sucker IS me.

VIA Everything Is Terrible

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

alt="drupal analytics" >