Jessica Simpson Wants An Intellectual Man

October 30, 2009 / Posted by:

In an interview with Extra (via UsWeekly), Jessica Simpson sounds like a generic eHarmony ad when talking about what she’s looking for in a man. If I was her, I’d say I was looking for one that wouldn’t leave my vag cold the day before my birthday, but Jessica is aiming high.

If you’ve ever wanted to win an open mic comedy night, just read this quote from Jessica word for word and you’ll be rewarded with a hurricane of queefs, laughs and drink tickets. Now let’s hand over the mic to Little Miss Chicken of the Sea:

“I don’t want to get bored. I can bore out pretty easily, so I love intellectual men … people that will always keep me intrigued. I definitely love a spiritual man — somebody that is going to always inspire me. And, you know, I love artistic men — somebody that really understands their art.”

This is the true meaning of: TOO EASY. I mean, if Jessica gets bored easily, she can always try to spell “intellectual” in her own head. That will keep her busy for a few hours at least.

So if you can past the following test, ring up Joe Simpson and schedule a date with Jessica!

Intellectual: You must be able to write your own name in cursive without the help of a grown-up. Don’t worry about writing your last name. Jessica asked for an “intellectual,” not a genius!

Spiritual: Can sit through Oh, God! without getting distracted by a ball of yarn in the corner.

Artistic: Four words: Color By Numbers Graduate.

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

alt="drupal analytics" >