If You Have Testicles, Cover Them Up

October 30, 2009 / Posted by:

All ballsacks need to leave the room now. Whatever was left of mine is already on the corner trying to flag a cab down. You’ve been warned.

Anthony Clark was strolling down a street in Langley, BC, minding his own business, when some lady kicked him in his tea bags for absolutely no reason. The bitch busted him so hard in the crotch that one his testicles shot up into his abdomen like a sledge hammer carnival game.

Anthony tells The Calgary Herald that he didn’t know how bad it was until that night when he realized one of his sperm sacks was missing in action. When Anthony went to see his doctor, he was told to mourn the loss of his testicle, because it ruptured. They had to yank it out and will replace it with a prosthetic one in a couple of months. Fortunately, Anthony can still have chirruns if he wants to.

When Anthony went to file a report with the police about the incident, he was told that the same fuckery happened to several other dudes. They are now on the search for The Testicle Terrorist of Langley who is described as a Caucasian lady in her 20s.

Okay, there are plenty times throughout the day that I just want to run outside and karate kick a random dude in the dick, but DAMN! It’s called self-control…and massive amounts of weed. Lick a nut, don’t kick one!

And let me just type what we’re all thinking: KATE GOSSELIN MUST BE STOPPED!


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