Abigail Breslin Is Not Blind Or Deaf Enough To Play Helen Keller

That’s what an advocacy group called The Alliance for Inclusion in the Arts screamed after they heard Abigail Breslin is going to play Helen Keller in The Miracle Worker on Broadway. They are shitting in the producers coffees, because they believe the role should go to an actress who is either blind or deaf. Where was this group when the damn PEPSI GIRL was cast as Helen Keller? That’s when we really needed them.

The producer of the revival told The New York Times that they had to cast a big shiny name in the lead role in order to get investors to fork over cash for the $3 million production. He said that they might cast a deaf or blind actress as Abigail’s understudy if she’s “qualified.” A rep for the advocacy group says that isn’t enough. They think that an actress who can see and hear could never accurately portray Helen Keller.

This is the thing. Jakey G played a down-low peen lover in Brokeback Mountain and he….. Oh, um. Well, Jennifer Aniston has played a needy spinster with a hongray womb in all her movies and she…. Shit. Um, well, Tommy Girl played an egomaniacal vagina-hater in Magnolia and he… Oh, forget it. I stand corrected before being corrected. I’m with the advocacy group.