Save Fuzzy

October 29, 2009 / Posted by:

When Miley Cyrus broke up with Twitter, hundreds of cities flooded from the gallons of tears coming out of the eyes of tweens everywhere. The world hasn’t been the same. Tragic. And now the life of an innocent cat named Fuzzy may also end in tragedy. That’s if you believe this website/Twitter account claiming that if Miley doesn’t make a triumphant return to Twitter, Fuzzy will be chopped, sauteed and devoured. Yes, some loontardian is threatening to kill their cat over Miley Cyrus. I’ll let them explain:

The other day I asked myself: ‘What can I do to bring Miley back to Twitter?’ Fan video? Petitions? Letters? That never works. Heck, Miley even made her own video about never wanting to use Twitter again. Then I looked at my cat, Fuzzy and I realized, maybe Fuzzy can help. Fuzzy can make the ultimate sacrifice for this cause. It was very difficult for me, you see, as I sincerely love Fuzzy. But my mind is made up. I could always get another cat, but nothing can replace Miley’s tweets for me!

The idea is very simple. I’ve set a deadline of November 16, 2009, when Fuzzy will part with his life and become a meal. I do not consider myself a cruel person and I do love my cat. Fuzzy will receive quick and swift death and I’ll try to minimize his suffering.

Let me clarify: This is NOT a prank or a hoax. I am not joking, even if some will choose to interpret it that way. Cooking a cat is not illegal in my country, in fact it’s part of our culture. I’m not asking for money or any other benefit. Fuzzy is my cat and I will not entertain any offers of selling or giving him away. If Miley doesn’t tweet again, this WILL happen, and I’m as serious as a heart attack.

I’m sure the average Miley superfan regularly cooks possums in their backyard on a barbecue made from a Piggly Wiggly shopping cart, but something in the milk ain’t clean about this. This smells like viral marketing (which probably smells a lot like braised cat). I mean, first of all, some say the soon-to-be pussy eater is a tween chick, but the website makes it sound like the threats are coming from a dude. And I doubt a Miley fan would create a website using anything other than Angelfire. Hmmm….

This might be Balloon Boy 2: SAVE FUZZY! Seriously, Fuzzy is probably hiding in a cardboard box in the attic. This is what happens when Richard Heene and Billy Ray Cyrus join forces.

However, if this isn’t a hoax or a stunt, the world needs to be shut down. I mean it this time. SHUT IT DOWN.

VIA Ocean Up

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