Bai Ling’s Cheetah-Cat Almost Ate Her Nipple

File this under: This is why you don’t sleep nekkid with animals who can bite your parts off in the middle of the night (insert a million simultaneous side-eyes here).

About a year ago, one of Bai Ling’s ex-boyfriends gave her a $30,000 cheetah-cat as a gift. Bai named the chee-pussy Quiji (pronounced chee-jee). According to crazy ass Bai, Quiji’s dad is a cheetah and her mother is a regular ole’ domestic cat. Yup, Quiji’s mother was a hardcore slut, because she was getting from a damn cheetah.

Anyway, Bai tells PeoplePets that Quiji is her soulmate, because she believes she was a wild pussy in her past life, “In my previous life, I was a cheetah or leopard or some sort of really wild and dangerous animal in nature. But the thing is, Quiji is really the most affectionate, even compared to human beings.”

But Quiji is a little too affectionate, because she tried to eat one of Bai’s nipples during a make-out session in bed. Bai explained, “I sleep naked … She was kissing me, and suddenly, she woke up. She saw my nipple, and oh my God, she went for it. If I wasn’t fast, my nipple is gone. She thought it was a toy or something.”

First of all, we really don’t need to know about Bai playing with her pussay in bed. Second of all, THIS CRAZY should not be closing her eyes around a wild animal. This is how bitches lose fingers, faces and more! Bai has some serious nipples, so Quiji probably thought it was a jumbo Tendervittle. Bai could at least sleep with thimbles on her nipples and clitty. Bai does not want to have a “MY PUSSY BITE ME IN MY BAGINA” moment.