The Amazing Race: To Push, Or Not To Push

October 26, 2009 / Posted by:

If you agree to go on The Amazing Race, you should be well aware that you will be forced to do some shit that will will make your stomach turn on you and file for emancipation. Whether that be eating Satan-made nastiness or going down a water slide in Dubai. The latter is what totally killed the spirit in Mika’s floaties on last night’s episode.

Mika’s arch enemy is heights so it wasn’t exactly a surprise when she freaked out after learning she had to go down a water slide. I sort of felt Mika’s pain, because I don’t fuck with water slides after seeing a boy shit on one at Raging Waters. However, if a million dollars was at stake, I’d swallow the Valium I hid in my no-no (for this very occasion) and conquer that bitch. A Duggar fetus goes down a water slide every year, so it can’t be that bad.

At one point, Mika’s teammate/boyfriend Canaan tried to push her ass down while she cried for HELP!!! You know, Canaan went about it the wrong way. What he needed to do was hug her like he meant it, carefully put her on the slide, whisper sweet nothings into her ear and then push her ass when she least expected it! Yeah, her heart probably would’ve jumped out of her mouth, but at least she would have gotten down that slide!

In the end, Mika refused to slide and her team was eliminated. Canaan said that he doesn’t hold it against Mika, but I would’ve dropped that trick in a quick second. Mika saying “fuck you” to a million dollars over a water slide was hurtful and confusing! Who just lets go of money like that? And IN THIS ECONOMY!?

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