What Would Joan Collins Say?

If it’s cold enough for Brit Brit to cover up her hooves in the hides of the Three Wolf Moon’s hillbilly cousins (we never talk about them), then why isn’t it cold enough for her to cover up pork rinds?! I will never understand. And I will also never understand Brit Brit’s choice of boots. Homegirl must be going for some kind of record for being the owner of the largest collection of boots that not even a barefoot crackhead would wear during their darkest (and coldest) hour. Bitch thinks she’s Nanook of the North. More like Nanooooo of the NEVER.

If Joan Collins was there, she would pull her hair back in a bun, carefully tie a crisp white napkin around her neck and then gracefully vomit all over Brit Brit’s FUGGS…..while sticking her pinky out of course. The truth is from the knees up Brit Brit is glamorous to me. I mean, what’s more glamorous than trailer park snatch cutters and a maternity camisole found in a bargain bin at Palais Royal? But Joan would flip her wig over this!

Below is 10-minutes of pure GLAMOUR from Joan’s makeover show in the UK. Joan Collins is really saving the world with her advice on how to look like you’ve just stepped out of a Dynasty episode. Joan is right, we should all look like glamorous glamazons at all times. And we should also only respect people who are covered in satin, diamonds and sequins. If you don’t have a Vaseline glow around you, then you aren’t worth our time! Joan IS the truth.

And here’s more pictures of Brit Brit and her Cheetolings going to the pitcher show yesterday. Save your “THAT BOY IS TOO OLD FOR THAT BINKY” comments. That’s how the Spears family does it. Shit, Brit Brit was just weaned off the pacifier herself last year.