Bronson Pinchot Would Like To Explain A Few Things

Bronson Pinchot pirouetted into our no-hearts when he spilled the shit on Tommy Girl, Denzel Washington and Eddie Murphy to The Onion’s A.V. Club. In the interview, which was so beautiful that I almost tattooed it to my asshole (it’s long enough), Bronson said that Denzel is about as pleasant as taking a dump in a truck stop bathroom, and that Tommy Girl is an expert at telling homophobic jokes (example: “You want some ice cream, in case there are no gay people there?”).

The Wall Street Journal contacted Bronson to see if he was just making jokes or if he was being serious. Bronson took the time to explain:

WSJ: Were you serious or joking when you said Tom Cruise made “constant unrelated homophobic comments” while on the “Risky Business” set?

“The context of the question was, ‘how did he strike me as a person’ at a point in his career when he was a virtual unknown. And my answer was that, coming straight out of the world of theater, as essentially all the supporting male actors did, where homophobic language was not heard, I remember thinking his use of it was remarkable and excessive; however, it is also true to say, in hindsight, that for a 20 year-old with no background in theater, such language is actually unremarkable. Which I did not know at 23.”

WSJ: What about the remark that Denzel Washington is one of the most unpleasant people you’ve met?

“I regret my choice of words there, and would like to amend my statement by saying I found his willingness to be ungenerous, unkind, knowingly hurtful both mentally and physically to myself and the crew to be the saddest misuse of stardom I have ever experienced or hope to experience.”

WSJ: Did either actor, or their reps, contact you after the story broke?

“No.”

So, basically, Bronson is standing by his words of poetry. If that man ever needs a nipple, he can have mine.

And Tommy Girl hasn’t contacted Bronson, because he’s waiting until the two meet in a dark alley somewhere. When that moment finally comes, Tommy will snap at Suri to hit “play” on his princess boombox, and he will challenge Bronson to a swish off! Bronson better work on his sway, because Tommy will bring it hard!