Balloon Boy’s Mom Comes Clean

October 23, 2009 / Posted by:

Last weekend, Sheriff Obvious McDuh got on his little stage and tap-danced while singing about how the Balloon Boy incident was just a big hoax. Well, what the sheriff didn’t tell us was that Balloon Boy’s mom let the air out just two days after we all wasted our time watching that stupid ass balloon in the sky.

According to CNN, Mayumi Heene barfed the truth out to investigators and said they had planned the whole thing for two weeks. Mayumi confessed that they did it so that the media could slobber all over them and they could get their own reality show. The sad thing is that it kind of worked. This is why the media should be run by cats. Cats would have never cared enough to fall for this shit.

While half of Colorado was searching for Falcon Heene, Mayumi said they knew that he was hiding in the attic all along. Mayumi and her husband Richard told the kids to lie to the police and to the media to keep the charade going. The Gosselins needs to send Richard and Mayumi a bundle of balloons as a thank you gift for making them look like the greatest parents who ever parented.

Sheriff Obvious already said that the Heenes would most likely be charged with conspiracy, contributing to the delinquency of a minor and attempting to influence a public servant. Child Protective Services is also investigating the fuckery.

Richard Heene continues to deny that it was a hoax. The funny thing is that Richard and Mayumi have different lawyers. It sounds like Mayumi is ready to sell her husband out so that she doesn’t have to simmer in a jail cell. Mayumi should at least give her husband a farewell care package of Prep H and a sewing kit. Richard’s precious haircut is going to make him mighty popular in the clink.

And not only should cats run the media, but they should also raise Balloon Boy and his brothers.

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