Ashlee Is Out Of A Job

I was about to shout “SPOILER ALERT,” but I’m not spoiling it for anyone since nobody watches this mess besides Bronx Mowgli and me. And Bronx only watches it during the commercial breaks for The Biggest Loser. Besides, Melrose Place spoiled itself a long time ago when Ashlee Simpson came on the screen.

Anyway, The Ausiello Files reported today that Ashlee Simpson and Colin Egglesfield (who plays Auggie on the show) are the Rhonda and Sandy of the new Melrose Place, because they have been pink-slipped. The producers claim that it was always the plan for Ass and Colin to be sent to the glue factory after their storylines finished. Todd Slavkin, the show’s executive producer, said, “Well, we always knew that this murder mystery would end in episode 12. And we always knew that [Ashlee’s] character of Violet would be instrumental in that as a suspect, and [Colin’s character of] Augie as well. And once that murder mystery was solved, she would go on her way. That was the original plan going into the development of the show.”

Todd said that both Ass and Colin took the news well since they already knew their roles would most likely be temporary. Ass and Colin’s last episodes will air in January.

Todd added that with both of those characters gone and the mystery of Sydney’s death solved, the show can lighten up and focus on other things like Amanda Woodward. Heather Locklear’s episodes start airing in November and she’ll stay with the show through the season.

It’s a good thing that Ass got the ax, because watching her trying to act was painful and uncomfortable. It was like sitting through church. All of her scenes should come with a prescription for morphine, because you will need it. Laura Leighton’s farts could win an Emmy over Ashlee Simpson.

That being said, I don’t want this shit to lighten up! If I wanted light and fluffy, I’d watch baby bunnies giving each other a bath on a loop! What that show needs is some Kimberly Shaw-approved craziness. Hopefully, Heather Locklear will once again bitch slap some life into this shit.